$ npm install -g fucking-npm

$ fucking-npm --help

$ fucking-npm zsh
Successfully fucking binded 'npm' to 'fucking'
Restart your fucking shell to use it.

$ fucking
Usage: npm <command>

where <command> is one of:
    access, adduser, bin, bugs, c, cache, completion, config,
    ddp, dedupe, deprecate, dist-tag, docs, doctor, edit,
    explore, get, help, help-search, i, init, install,
    install-test, it, link, list, ln, login, logout, ls,
    outdated, owner, pack, ping, prefix, prune, publish, rb,
    rebuild, repo, restart, root, run, run-script, s, se,
    search, set, shrinkwrap, star, stars, start, stop, t, team,
    test, tst, un, uninstall, unpublish, unstar, up, update, v,
    version, view, whoami

npm <command> -h     quick help on <command>
npm -l           display full usage info
npm help <term>  search for help on <term>
npm help npm     involved overview

$ fucking install
up to date in 6.075s